Bit and pieces

Recovery from Bulimia

2012-02-04T18:37:00.000-08:00

I have been living in my world for the longest time... a world where I am doing something harmful to myself just to have a slimmer me..

People don't understand why one will choose to take this path..I am not a person who wish to be slim like a model but at least stop the weigh gaining.. I am not someone who eats alot... but Yet when I eat a little more I start gaining weight..and all this while I have been gaining weight... whereas others can eat all they want and not gain a single kg...

The feeling of getting to wear smaller sizes clothes, really covered the harmful effects of Bulimia... I feel like its not doing any harm to my body but I didn't think of the long term.. I may be in Slim shape but I lost my Health because of that... And it not only upsets my health and also people who are concerned about me.. But at that time, that was the only method I thought of that can make me lose weight fast.. In fact by doing so, I lost close to 10kg and the non-stop compliment makes me even more determined to continuing doing that... When people ask me how am I able to slim down so fast.. I just brush it off by ' Oooo juz jogging and eating less' In fact I was eating more and purging more..sometimes more than 3 times a day... I feel happy that time as I get to eat all the stufs I want and yet not gaining a single kg..

It was my mum who pulled me back to the correct path.. She knew something was wrong with me since 1 mth ago... In fact I was in this illness for more than 1 mth.. a very long time instead... I promised her not to do it anymore and I have to fuilfil my prmoise...

Now I am struggling in my recovery state.. Gaining near to 3 kgs... Really very depressing.. But I read that that is just the natural process as the body is recovering from all the water loss and the nutrient that was lost during the period... Its upsetting to gain weight but at least I feel I am back to myself and a healthy me... I have tried to eat healthier and do more exercises...

Thinking back it was a really tough period and I will never wanna be back to that period again...

2011-06-17T09:13:00.000-07:00

18.06.11

TGYMIF... Thanks Guai Yin Ma Its Friday =)

The more u dislike ur job..the more u look forward to Weekend~ this week seems so long...

Dun understand why till now my emotions are still so easily affected...Anyway, 1 word reply is very rude... I dun like it.. if u r bz juz say u r bz... and logging off without saying bye is also very rude...

its not about being sensitive..but its just basic courtesy..

Met up with the girlies and went to see VZ's baby at Novena.... The baby is cute but seems so fragile..dare not carry it..........Super hungry on the way there... and I was very tired ..so I didn't talk much.. we had dinner @ velocity Ichiban Boshi..So full after eating 1 set meal.. 1 plate of chicken, sashimi, miso soup, soft shell crab, one bowl of rice.... & 2 pcs of Watermelon...

every1 is now bz with their new jobs and learning alot of new things at our workplace.. Jiayou gers!

2011-06-16T07:20:00.000-07:00

14.06.11

I was enlighten by this lady.. she is so full of confidence.. and she make me realise and understand certain things

~ A HR is a 'Thankless' job no one will thank u for what u do.... and once u implement something u wun be able to take it back..unless u balance it out with other things

~ Being professional.. Being P&C... Private & Confidential.. Learning to 'ZIP' ..even when ur so called best fren in your company ask u.. and promise u he or she wun say... but who noes the nx minutes... they juz turn and tell others...

~ A Worker ask u whether there is BONUS..and u juz answer them ' GOT...Not sure' and they did not hear the 'Not sure' But only heard the 'GOT' and if there isn't any BONUS... they will say 'HR say GOT'.. u r in Deep Shit

~ Its not HR job to retain pple... Its the Manager job... and HR is no longer a support or administration job..we r a strategy role... and pple shld stop blaming HR saying pple leave is HR job.. and HR should not feel upset cuz pple will always say its HR's fault..

~ Everyone makes mistake... Juz learn from the mistake and move on and dun make the same mistake again..
She introduce a book to me ' Break all the rules' ... shall get it someday..

Really aspiring lady... full of confidence... and I can sense that she is a good boss..too bad I did not accept the offer.. Not because of the salary...But what she said kind of makes me think tt maybe I should stay long in my current company...

Juz bear with it for the time being ba.. and learn as much as I can..

Told Dajie and MJ about it... Thxs to the 2 of them for their encouragement.. Really... Da Jie is like a mother hen taking of us the little chicks..always worrying for us... So emo tt day when chatting with them that I juz can't control my tears... Really miss the time with them.. Why when the job is OK but the colleagues suxs..when the job suxs the colleague is OK...I Dun understand..

We chatted again..Like normal frens... maybe its good enough..at least we r not strangers... And i feel abit happier that way... cuz being complete stranger really makes me feel bad...

2011-06-13T08:20:00.000-07:00

11/06/11
Serene's wedding @ Holiday INN hotel... nice meeting up with ex-colleagues..Da Jie, Dawnie and Julia... Long time since I laugh, Joke, talk lame stuffs.. Cuz everyday in office I am like a jailed bird... I basically talked very little...and I dun joke at all.. though in my previous job..I am so overloaded and stress.. But I really love working with my girlies..cuz we r not selfish at all and we always help each other... and we will always talk when we r working...and then juz squat ard Da Jie's MAMA shop trying to find thIngs to eat...coming back on weekend juz to do the stupid filing... accompany each other... share little secrets... telling each other not to work to late so we get to see the SUN!~ Going for lunch 2gether.... we are all sisters.... misss those days... I miss those times when I have colleagues who I can share my things with.. colleagues who pat my shoulder and encourage me to move on...
Now..it juz feel like I am alone... Stomp in to the office with the 'U owe me a million dollar' look... and feeling depressed every now and then.. extremely unhealthy...every1 juz seems so fake... including myself?

I am not being opportunistic... Maybe I am juz trying to escape from reality.. Run away from problem... But when things become so sour..there is juz no point to carry on... the grass may not be greener at the other side.. But at least I return what she tinks belongs to her.. Fullstop.

I wanna thxs my dear for being so supportive of me and always being there for me... accompany me to shop ard before the wedding and took 502 hm... and den took 502 back again to fetch me.... and then took 502 back with me hm... and I always say 'dear u r so gd to me'... and he will always say ' Of cuz..u r my darling leh'..... and tdy he even went to the extent they he drove out to wacky the place for me so that I wun lost my way tml... I am really touched...

I should learn to let go of the past...and treasure what I have now..and what he did for me all along... he is really a gift to me.... no one makes me feel so impt b4... and though I always say he is naggy..But I will definitely miss his nagging if he stopped... 'dun see computer liaoz..go sleep....drink warm water ok'......... everytime when he send me hm he will tell me the same thing...'dun see computer liaoz'......I always tell him Ok...but when I reach hm the 1st thing I do is on the computer... =x...

thxs for always giving in to me..tolerating my willfulness... giving me the freedom and trust to do what I want... But I broken your trust...and the freedom u gave me... u didn't blame me... u won't blame me..cause u juz wan me to be happy...tt is juz u...

2011-06-10T09:21:00.001-07:00

Been absolutely down at work recently...

maybe I am tired... but I dun wish to give up... But I really dislike being 'the cream of the biscuit' or ' meat of the burger'.. and being the one doing most of the things...Honestly speaking, its not the job but the people.. Sometimes I really feel very bad... sighz...
maybe its time..no point holding on anymore...

today we started chatting again...I took the initiative after so long.. no matter what happened.. I still hope we can be friends..

so emo today... I ask my fren... sometimes dun u think life is very boring...its a routine.... we spent most of our time working..and when we go back home..we only got so little time for ourselves.. and when we are young, we always got so many things that we wanna achieve, wanna buy, wanna eat, wanna have freedom..etc etc... But as we grow old and start to work.. we buy what we wan, we eat whatever we feel like eating.. we have the freedom that we longed for...but where to go? going to places repeatedly...
Thinking that I got no goal/dreams in my life is rather depressing.. ppl ard me have dreams like setting their own business... complete their degree... aim for this aim for there.. but I think I dunno what I wanna do... I just live everyday thinking...as long as I got money to survive..got money to contribute to household will be good enough..
25th kind of scares me...cuz I feel old..yet achieve nth..dunno what I wanna do...

hmmm... I am starting to dislike myself..I hope I can be a braver person.. someone who is more decisive... more responsible.... do more thinking...

I wish I am the total opposite of the current me...

2011-04-01T19:08:00.000-07:00

People always said when things ended..we shld keep all the good memories and forget about the bad one. but keeping the good memories will only make it harder to move on... Instead I would rather choose to remember all the bad things that happen to stop myself from looking back at the good memories.. and living in it.. unable to move on..

But yet I can't bring myself to throw/delete away anything.. even when I think of the bad things..whenever I read thru or see those things.. I will automatically forget abt the bad things..

I wanna move on... But its in my mind most of the time.. When can I ever bring myself to throw everything away and tell myself itz the part... nt that its nt worth keeping... but it aches my heart more when I keep it..

Certain things we may throw or delete away.. But whats in our mind we can't delete it away..unless we lost our memory... when u walk pass certain places...come across certain things..certain pple... u will think again...

very confusing feeling....

Sometimes I ask myself.. If i were to choose again.. what will my decision be? sometimes I hope everything didn't happen in the 1st place... den it wun affect me at all am I will live happily.. But..........

2011-03-30T00:42:00.001-07:00

不知从何时开始，诚实变的这么难。。为了不想让真相伤害到别人。。为了不需去解释。。为了保护自己

2011-03-07T03:33:00.001-08:00

Saturday 05 Mar 2011

Went KTM Train Station @ Tanjong Pagar for supper !

Very nice malay food there.. we ate fried Goreng Pisang.. Chicken Burger.. and Malay Yong tau Hu... Waited v long for the Chix burger.. Feel like we were at Malaysia~ the Maggi Yong Tau Hu quite salty...

Gd place for supper!~~~

2011-02-23T06:44:00.001-08:00

23/02/11

Maybe everything shld start afresh.. I wish I had updated my blog regularly.. cause all the memories that I had left now was the blog.. I wish I had recorded everything ..instead of trying to put bit and pieces together now..

I realised I had changed alot during the past 2 yrs..maybe this is the real me... I don't like... but I have to accept.. I really don't know myself well..

realising I always escape from reality..

realising I am so dumb...

realising I can do things that hurt others alot when at the 1st place my intention was not to hurt anyone.

realising things always doesn't turn out the way I wan it to be...

realising I always take things for granted.. Protect myself too much..

I always think..why others never do this and that for me.. when in fact I did nothing for them but expect alot from them..

Looking back I am juz silly like maybe people will say...

Treasure is really the word...